“This is dumb.”

- me trying new things

Kanye West seems like he would waste mountains of your time with utter bullshit.

The MyPillow guy definitely fucks MyPillow.

I'll tell you to stop dragging my heart around, but I won't mean it.

Bellybuttons are the twist-tie of the soul.

Will Arnett is the best Batman. Class dismissed.

Kinda weird that when he leave, he's going to sell all of our secrets, but as long as he leaves I guess.

Cheer up or else

Someone distract Orrin Hatch by asking him where his glasses are.

HER: I GAVE YOU THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE!

ME: Ew.

Just had a person who does not follow me engage in a lengthy argument with a bot with one follower while continuing to include me in their idiotic conversation.

Twitter rocks!

Opposites attract? Then I'm in the market for someone who unconditionally loves everything.