I hate when you make plans with someone and they don't even realize it and then their boyfriend or husband is even more irrational than the arresting officers.
Charlie Harper's words, not ours
Girlfriend: you pulled out right?
Me: are you in the right headspace to receive information tha
Tomorrow is "Post Your Favorite Pornhub Search As A Tweet" Day
I never matured past the ignore people you like phase.
“Is it safe to eat unrefrigerated Ewok meat?”
#SciFiWebMDSearches
me: “you know who's single?”
tessa: “um...me?”
shoutout to everybody here doing better than their ex
This echo was written in a special font that only sexy people can see.
Congratulations.
By the way, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?
the entire reason I got spotify this year was so I could post my wrapped but now that I've learned I'm in the top 0.5% of listeners for the dixie chicks …🫣