If you ask me to interpret your dream, I will tell you it means you are going to be murdered the next time you go to sleep.
If I indeed end up in hell, it will likely be for my inexcusable napkin overuse.
I don’t have the patience to choose one. I just respond with “Emoji!”
Instead of going through the agony of a breakup talk, just give the person candy corn. They’ll get the picture.
Wisdom is realizing that you suck, and also that everyone else sucks.
“But you’re rich” is one of the dumber responses to professional athletes protesting injustice.
Very little interest from publishers in my children’s book: “Revenge of the Giving Tree”