I can neither confirm nor deny your existence.

People at the next table in the coffee shop are struggling to construct a tweet, and it's all I can do not to lend my expertise.

Holding a guitar is sexier than holding a gun could ever be.

Ending all video meetings “I'll see you in hell.”

If the immigrants marching to the United States were only coming here to commit tax fraud and talk people into shady real estate transactions, it would be fine.

If you only like boneless chicken wings, guess what? You don't like chicken wings.

At this point, I think it's safe for all the single ladies to put their hands down.

Has Ted Cruz ever been accidentally mistaken for a human?

I was told I'm material material.

People get weird when you're fully clothed and silently waiting for them as they step into their shower.

Your @ replies make baby Jesus cry.

Modern life is just looking from one screen to the next.