Opening a hotel service where we change the bed linens called “Turndown For What.”

Movie Fun Fact:

There is no “Meryl Streep.” The character has been played by a series of actresses since the mid-70s.

This was a commentary on a played out format. And because we live in a waking nightmare, I am still getting wrong answers.

I feel like my roomba thinks it's better than me.

A compliment I like to give is “You looked really good last week.”

You are what you binge watch

So many replies to tweets should really be said to a therapist.

Sign up for my leadership conference. You show up, and no one comes to the podium. Ever. Get it? Send me $995 now.

Grade school kids would actually be safer playing college football.

If I felt like a room without a roof, the last thing I would do is clap along. I'd go straight to the emergency room.

🎶LET'S HEAR IT FOR NEW YOOOOORK [steps on rat]

Is it just me?