If you encounter anyone in public doing something like taking their shoes off on a plane, or talking loudly on a cell phone in an elevator-

This is it. This is your superhero origin story. Do what you must. And thank you for your service.

shiver, pool

Favorite part of Las Vegas- if you lose a large amount of money, you can just say “do over” and they give you an immediate refund.

I always give people a parting gift before blocking them. Usually a muffin basket.

Working in groups is just like working alone, except that you will do your work plus everyone else's work.

“Why don't you love Radiohead?”

- people who love Radiohead

Set the tone at any new office job by eating everything in the break room refrigerator the first day.

Just once, I want to see two fighters do that stare down thing at the weigh-in, and spontaneously break out into the Cher and Peter Cetera duet “After All” in perfect harmony.

Your most clever tweets will be ignored.

A pic of a kitten wearing boxing gloves with the comment “Awwww” will go viral.

There Is No Good News: A Retrospective

If someone lies to provide cover for a despicable agenda aimed at hurting people, say whatever you damn well please about them.

Rule: all debate moderators must be trash