I love when people just tweet out random questions at Twitter, like it's Alexa or Google.

You don't get to pick your shitty family. You do get to pick your shitty friends.

This is really saying something, but you are all very weird today. An observation, not an indictment.

Gonna side with the haters on this one.

Hey @krassenstein @EdKrassen ,

Longtime follower, and I totally appreciate your work, but is every item you tweet about really “BREAKING”?

Please take my pledge to go 72 hours with no “BREAKING” tweets.

I know you can do it if you try. ...read more

I think we're done here. Any questions?

Nothing more terrifying than a Facebook link in a soundboxxx bio.

There are about 330 million Twitter accounts. Thank you for your dramatic announcement that you are thinking of deleting your account. It will be considered in the order it has been received.

I like my hope like I like my alarms and eyelashes:

False

<wakes up>

<checks “We are screwed” box>

<drinks coffee> ...read more

“Why don't you love Radiohead?”

- people who love Radiohead

Just once, I want to see two fighters do that stare down thing at the weigh-in, and spontaneously break out into the Cher and Peter Cetera duet “After All” in perfect harmony.