Here’s the latest data concerning your favourite beer and how it’s affected by your zodiac sign, according to totally reputable new source (checks notes) … the New York Post:

Aries: Modelo. Because you’re not afraid of a fight, and Modelo partners with the UFC on the Fighting Chance Project that revitalizes gyms. (???)

Taurus: Miller High Life. Because you “love a good time and a fine bargain.”

Gemini: Budweiser. Because of some nonsense about Geminis being good liars, and Budweiser being good at marketing.

Cancer: Blue Moon. Because cancers are “ruled by the moon.” And because cancers are nostalgic . . . baseball is nostalgic . . . and Blue Moon was the brainchild of a place called Sandlot Brewery at Coors Field in Denver.

Leo: Corona. Because it’s Spanish for “crown,” and Leo is the sign of royalty.

Virgo: Michelob Ultra. Because Virgos are health-conscious. And Michelob Ultra is so watered down, it’s sometimes called the “Gatorade of beers.”

Libra: Pabst Blue Ribbon. Libras love fairness and equality, and PBR is loved by everyone from factory workers to hipsters.

Scorpio: Guinness. Because Scorpios are mysterious, and Guinness has been very tight-lipped when it comes to their trade secrets.

Sagittarius: Sapporo. Because you’re adventurous, and so was the guy who created it.

Capricorn: Yuengling. Because you’re determined, and so was Yuengling when they stayed afloat in Prohibition by making “near beer” with basically no alcohol.

Aquarius: Stella Artois. Because the tarot card for Aquarius is the “Star” card, and “Stella” means “star” in Latin.

Pisces: Heineken. Because you like pleasing people. more