Drunk me tolerates all kinds of shenanigans.

I'm the designated driver tomorrow night. What time should I pick you all up?

The guy in front of me in line was wearing a top hat.

Do I win something?

THEM: I had a dream...

ME: Was it an awesome dream?

THEM: What?

ME: What? ...read more

How much sexual assault does $32 million buy these days?

Just the fact that you're reading this is a good reason to NEVER trust your instincts.

Things have always sucked, but now we know when a thing sucks within seconds of it sucking.

Welp, time to finally see what all this Fortnite hype is about...

If you're in a relationship and the other person says "We need to talk," throw a fistful of glitter in the air. I guarantee the only thing you'll be talking about after that is glitter.

A website showing pics of chameleons should be called “Chameleon Fails”

Anyone named “Trace” must become a country singer or face a $10,000 fine and up to 3 years in prison.

A descent into madness sounds perfect right about now.