Any time someone says something is a “blessing and a curse,” the “curse” part always dominates.

Yes, I have had a drink thrown in my face at a fancy party by a woman wearing a gown and elbow length gloves, and yes, everyone froze, and yes, I had a witty retort that caused much laughter and some applause, breaking the tension.

We of course slept together later that night. ...read more

I want tons of credit, but I don't want to do anything to earn it.

I instinctively tell people to stop talking before they say something stupid.

Jazz hands?

Call me when you have jazz feet.

If this is your first night at Juggle Club... you HAVE to juggle...

Just because I hate everything doesn't mean I'm not fun at parties. Not that I'd ever go to one. Because I hate everything.

Sometimes, the person you are really trolling is yourself.

Really? Haunting a house on Halloween? Are you a ghost or a cliché?

By going to bed very, very late, and getting out of bed very, very early, we can beat the oppression of sleep!

[Halloween night]

*doorbell
“TRICK OR TREAT!”

“Oh look. More Jokers. Great.” ...read more

I have no need whatsoever for non-haunted castles.