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@umdaxo 🧿

Around October 2016, an old gypsy woman asked for my help. I refused. She said "May your country be embarrassed daily." Probably nothing.

GPS: Turn right where the streets have no name

ME: Huh?

GPS: Still haven't found what you're looking for?

MFS: This U2 setting stinks

Reminder to be nice to each other unless you have differing viewpoints.

I wonder if the wave of horrible things happening all at once will be balanced out by a wave of great things happening all at once.

Five minutes from now, you will think about this tweet.

I hate when people profusely praise kids for things I can do better.

Welcome to the resistance. So far, we pretty much always lose.

Vote.

“But the stock market has nothing to do with offsetting the national debt.”

- my 7 y.o.

I always assume the other person is starving, and that's why they're acting that way.

RUDY GIULIANI: These are affidavits!

*holds up used scratchy lottery tickets

I will be donating all of the money I made selling fake medals to Sheriff Clarke to charity.