[about to be knocked out by her thighs]

“Wait, are those American?”

Pennies: Why???

There's gotta be a less destructive way to sell red baseball hats...

It is impossible to picture the Batman voice saying “My wife”

[Emergency room]

DR: What seems to be the problem?

BRYAN ADAMS: Cut by a knife.

DR: Well, I can disinfect that and stitch it right up.

BRYAN ADAMS: But if feels so right.

DR: Sir, I have other patients. ...read more

Just like laws and taxes, “getting canceled” doesn't exist for the rich and famous.

Need to pull an all fifteen minuteser

Light choking followed by snacks.

When the only accounts tweeting against you have four or more numbers at the end of their handles, you know you did the right thing.